Viewing Habits Revealed

It's no secret to anyone who knows me that I love television. I love it so much, that not only does it take a toll on my life, but I realize it, and yet do nothing about it. I am pretty particular about what I watch, and become loyal to my shows, even when they jump the shark. Here are the shows I love now. To make it easier on myself, I'm going to list them by date, rather than by rank.

Monday

1. Corner Gas, CTV. This is a Canadian show, so most people will not know this show, but I suggest you look into torrents. I really love the fact that nothing ever happens on this sweet little slice of small-town life. No cliff-hanger endings, no relationship shockers, no character development whatsoever, really. Now that may sound unrewarding, but it makes it easy to pick up at any episode. It's a very well written comedy in the vein of Arrested Development, minus the poor ratings.
2. How I Met Your Mother, CBS. This show could very well save the 4-camera sitcom as we know it. Given the prevalence of comedy shows with the single camera shooting style, it's good to see a new show that can still 'bring it' to a studio audience. Starring some unknowns, plus band-camp girl Alyson Hannigan, the real star is former preteen premed Neil Patrick Harris as Barney. Barney, the womanizing, quote-spewing chauvinist, may be the greatest character since Dr. Cox.
3. 24, Fox. Oh Jack, is there anything you can't do? Sure, the plot twists come faster and more furiously than Jason Biggs on Shannon Elizabeth, but who doesn't love it when Jack speedwalks to the nearest available Ford SUV, yelling on his ubiquitous cell-phone at Chloe (sneer firmly in place), to upload some decrypted files, under the watchful eye of Buchanan, mumbling away about protocol. Ahh, sweet chaos. I just wish they wouldn't kill an average of one main character per episode. It starts to play with a guy's emotions.
4. CSI: Miami, CBS. This one tries my patience. I am a loyal fan of the Vegas version, so I plunk down in front of Caruso et al. to keep on track, but man, that guy has no charisma. Why doesn't he ever look at who he's talking to? Why is he always so dramatic with the sunglasses? Why is nobody tapping Emily Proctor's fine ass? I mean, 'procto'logy, 'Procto'r? No-one else sees that?
5. Dead Like Me, Showcase. Ok, fine, I realize that the show ended some time ago, but up here in the boonies, we have to wait a year to get shows from pay-cable. I think I may have just seen the last episode, and I have spoken at length about it in an earlier post. So suffice it to say, I'll miss it.

Tuesday

1. Scrubs, NBC. The little show that could. Who knew you could successfully mix plots dealing with cancer and ones about squirrel taxidermy, and make it a recipe for wacky fun. The everpresent narration, the Family Guy-style cutaways, and mostly, Dr. Cox's rants about everything under the sun, help this show bridge the gap between hilarity and poignancy in a way not seen since M*A*S*H.
2. The Amazing Race, CBS. I do not like reality shows, as a rule. I have never seen a full episode of Survivor, nor any Idol, American or otherwise. Having said that, sometimes, I just like to sit and watch people running from exotic locale to teeming metropolis, yelling at each other to hurry up. What bothers me is that the competitors rarely get a chance to enjoy themselves where they are.
3. Rescue Me, FX. The season was over a while ago, but the stories still resonate with me. Denis Leary was born to play Tommy Gavin, a hard-living, spirit-seeing firefighter working in the wake of 9/11. I think this was the one of the first shows to address it, and certainly the first show created because of it. But it's more than that now. The plots are so deep, and the emotions are raw, and he makes you root for this... this asshole, really.
4. The Daily Show, Comedy Network. Jon Stewart is a brilliant man. As a result of his satirical newscast, I have no idea what's going on in my own backyard, but I have an intricate knowledge of the Jack Abramoff scandal. He makes me feel smart, when compared to the leader of the Free World. And that's a special feeling.
5. The Colbert Report, Comedy Network. Stephen Colbert is a very brilliant man. I think I enjoy this show more than it's predecessor. Colbert's uber-conservative pundit character (and yes, it is a character), is an ironic stab to the heart of darkness, as represented by Bill O'Reilly (Poppa Bear) and his ilk. His massive ego is surpassed only by his massive balls.

Wednesday

1. That 70's Show, Fox. I'm glad this show is coming to a much deserved end. With the two compelling actors now moved on to bigger (Kutcher's Punk'd is a national phenomenon, or was, at least) and better (Topher Grace as Venom in Spiderman 3) things, the show is going, to quote Tommy Chong as Leo, "up in smoke". But that's not to say that it didn't have it's moments, so until they sit around that final circle, I'll be there.
2. Lost, ABC. I worried that this show would be a dramatic version of a three-hour tour, if you catch my drift. But those worries were unfounded, it turns out, and now this is event television for me (since it's a huge event whenever ABC decides to show a new episode among all the repeats). I love guessing the next twist, and then being completely wrong.
3. Veronica Mars, ABC. I admit, I didn't watch the first season, dismissing it as your run-of-the-mill UPN teen crap. But the more I heard about it, the more I was intrigued. So during the summer, I caught up on the repeated episodes, and really enjoyed it. Kristen Bell is a real find, and cute as a button too. The stories are crime-based without feeling heavy, and filled with redeemably flawed characters.
4. The Shield, FX. I don't know how realistic this show is, but it's how I think LA cops act and talk. Vic Mackey is the most flawed anti-hero going right now. He steals, screws, and murders, then covers it all up with frightening efficiency. No matter how low he sinks to protect his ass, and the asses of his Strike Team, you still want him to come out of it unscathed, roosting on top of The Barn.
5. CSI:NY, CBS. As I said before, I am a loyal viewer of the Vegas version, and for better or worse, Miami. When I heard of this second spinoff in the Big Apple, I protested that too many crime shows set up shop in New York. I still believe that. I think a gritty-city CSI would have been better suited to Chicago or Boston. That being said, I probably place this one a little above Miami, because I prefer Gary Sinise to Caruso.

Thursday

1. Everybody Hates Chris, UPN. This series should do well, as long as Chris Rock has his way. And I don't imagine anyone at UPN (or I guess the new CW network) will want to hurt the most successful comedy they have. Rochelle is one of the best TV Mom's since Malcolm/Middle's Lois.
2. My Name is Earl, NBC. Everyone at NBC had high hopes for this show, and haven't been disappointed. Jason Lee makes for such a loveable schmuck, trying to put his life right through the magic of Karma. The show is sweet, without being treacly, and funny without being annoying. I really enjoy Ethan Suplee as Randy, he's a great sidekick.
3. The Office, NBC. I'm a fan of the BBC series, as well, but this is just a fantastic show. Steve Carell has the look of a corporate stooge, but the comic sensability of... someone really funny. The best part is being able to recognize these characters in your own office, and going, "That guy is so much like Dwight, I may just jam this fork in my brain."
4. CSI, CBS. I had a similar introduction to this show as I did to V. Mars. I missed the first season, thinking it was another Law & Order type ripoff, but saw an episode during the summer, and was immediately hooked. I dedicated myself to finding repeat episodes, and by the time the next one came around, I was a CSIcho (my own term, pronounced see-a-psycho).
5. Without A Trace, CBS. Coming in below the radar, this missing persons procedural has none of the earmarks of a Bruckheimer production. The stories are compelling and the characters have lives outside of work, which are touched upon lightly enough that they never overtake the case, but often enough that you feel the personal biases of the agents. Top notch acting across the board, and Poppy Montgomery is a stone cold fox.

Friday/Saturday

1. South Park, Comedy Network. Friday is kind of a catch-all for the good stuff coming from Comedy Central. Heading into it's tenth, count 'em, tenth season, this show is still going strong. Unlike The Simpson's, this show doesn't have to rely on it's own little world for stories, so they're able to push the envelope for real satire. The boys from Colorado take on every possible controversy they can get their construction-paper hands on, from Scientology to alcoholism to Wal-Mart, and do it with style and hilarity.
2. Reno 911!, Comedy Network. A camera crew follows the men and women of the Reno Sheriff's Department, ala COPS and catchs them at their best, but more often, their worst. The mockumentary is the new sitcom, and this show proves why.
3. Harvey Birdman, Teletoon. One of Cartoon Network's Adult Swim block, this show is basically a 10-minute vignette of the things that might happen if the characters from the Hanna-Barbara stable got into trouble, and needed the legal acuity of a half-bird, half-man, half-lawyer.
   
4. Saturday Night Live, NBC. This show has it's ups and downs. For every 85-86, there is an 80-81. I think the show is just breaking out of a mini-slump, when they were minus Ferrell and Fallon, and having to rely on Hammond and Parnell's impersonations. There's a lot of new blood now, plus Andy Samberg's digital shorts, they may have turned a corner. I may not sit there and laugh hysterically through the entire hour and a half, but finding those one or two great sketches is something of a treasure hunt for me.

Sunday

1. King of the Hill, Fox. This is a Foxcentric day for me. I haven't been caught up in the Housewives-Anatomy double shot, thanks to that dangly bit between my legs. I still have love for Hank and the boys. I heard they just got another season extension. Good for them. They still have some good tales to tell. They have a subtle humour that is missing from the rest of the line-up, in lieu of obvious hilarity.
2. The Simpson's, Fox. No-one can touch this behemoth of comedy. People can bad-mouth it for being lame lately, but when the nuclear holocaust strikes, the surviving cockroaches will still be glued to new episodes from America's family. Just renewed for two more seasons, syndicates will soon have 19 seasons to choose from, that's over 400 episodes. You'd be able to watch it for 9 straight days and never see the same thing twice.
3. Family Guy, Fox. Pulled off the unthinkable and rose from the dead, sharp as ever. I never get tired of the contrived segues they come up with for those crazy cutaways. This show is a quote machine, from the likes of Stewie, Quagmire, Mayor West, Greased-Up Deaf Guy, and that creepy old pedophile guy with the walker. Biting stuff that never disappoints.
4. American Dad, Fox. I have no idea how Seth MacFarlane can handle the stress of two shows that rely so heavily on him, but he does, and he does it well. Using a similar formula to Family Guy, he now has two ways to satirize the world, overtly and covertly.
5. Trailer Park Boys, Showcase. Another homegrown Canuck show, these boys show that nobody out-white-trashes Canada. They are unapologetically flawed, recidivist small-time criminals, just trying to eke out a life in Sunnyvale Trailer Park. They drink, smoke, swear, toke, shoot, joke while Julian's got his Rum & Coke. I can't wait for the movie to come out.
6. Da Ali G Show, Showcase. From the mind of Sasha Baron Cohen springs three completely autonomous alter-egos. Ali G, the moronic wigga journalist from Staines Massive, who manages to interview the brightest minds in America; Borat, the Kazahkstani who doesn't understand personal boundaries or pleasant conversation; and Bruno, the gay Austrian fashionista who incurs the wrath of an entire Alabama football stadium.

Whew! Well, that's all I can think of at the moment. Thirty shows is plenty though, don't you think? I tell you, it makes me want to own a TiVo. Someday... someday...