Review: The Omen

Horror films have never really done it for me. I guess that comes from not seeing many until I was really old enough to not be affected. I mean, this is a guy who watched Basic Instinct with his parents, no less, at the age of 10. The only films that I recall scaring me were Jurassic Park (shut up, like you didn't jump when the velociraptor came out of the pipes) and Blown Away (I freaked out at the thought that anything could be a bomb. I had to sleep with a volleyball, just so that I could wake up and go, "What reason could I possibly have for holding this volleyball?"). Now that the parentheticals are out of the way... I watch movies like The Exorcist or The Grudge and I don't see what the fuss is about. I watched Hostel, the so-called, "Scariest movie in years" - some guy who wanted to get his name on TV, no doubt - and I was laughing. So forgive me if I didn't hide my eyes and scream in fright at the spawn of Satan in The Omen. The original, from 1976, came during the heyday of the horror genre, and starred Gregory Peck, one of the greatest actors of his generation. It was tense and disturbing, and gave many a parent the HeBGB's (or heebeejeebies).

The remake stars Liev Schreiber, whose best work was in The Manchurian Candidate (but did anyone see that?) and Julia Stiles, as Robert and Katherine Thorne, a political family on the rise. Robert, the godson of the President, is an ambassador (I'm generalizing, but it's a long story, and you can get it from the film). The movie begins promisingly enough, with the Vatican council scrutinizing Revelations and their correlations to recent world events. It's a whole montage of "Too soon?" imagery, featuring New Orleans, the Columbia shuttle and the Twin Towers. Their conclusions: that the day is nigh for the coming of the Anti-Christ, and he shall be born at 6 am on June 6th. Meanwhile, across town in a small Roman hospital, Robert arrives to find out his pregnant wife has just given birth, but lo and behold, the child has perished. The priest on call explains that another child had been born as well, to a mother who did not survive. So rather than face his wife with the heart-breaking truth, Robert decides to live a lie, since that never comes back to bite people in the ass. They raise little Damien (and here's a quick question, does anybody ever name their child that anymore?), a narrow-eyed, scowling little munchkin who barely says twenty cohesive words the entire film. But then, things start happening that make his parents believe he may not be the little prince that all parents believe their child to be. They hire a nanny, Mrs. Baylock (Mia Farrow, in a neat bit of stunt casting) to watch over Damien, but perhaps she has other, more insidious references thn just what's on her resume. What's more, the bizarre "accidents" seem to be foreshadowed by a politico paparazzo, Keith (played by David Thewlis, of Professor Lupin fame), who follows the American Ambassador to Great Britain with his high-speed camera, capturing everything and everyone around Robert. The deaths appear to be premonitioned (or whatever) by light effects on his photos. This leads him to seek out Robert, who, after being accosted by a bishop (Pete Postlethwaite), is becoming more and more suspicious of his little scamp. Robert, and his new friend, go on a quest to find out Damien's history, and maybe, just maybe, find out why his teacher said his social skills "need improvement" (psyche).

The movie is by all accounts, a pretty faithful adaptation of the original, which leads me to ask why it was necessary. The reason? The marketing was too perfect not to do it. It opened on June 6th, 2006, or for you morons out there, 06/06/06. They've probably been sitting on this for years, just waiting until the time was right. The movie itself is fine, I suppose. Schrieber has but one face, blank, and uses it in all situations. Stiles is sort of whiny and shrill. Farrow makes the most of her screen time by looking deliciously creeptastic. The scares? Mostly come via editing and nightmares. The death scenes are fairly elaborate, but you'd get more enjoyment out of Final Destination if that's what you're after. All in all, the film was pretty unnecessary, but it proves that marketing is the most important part of the movie business.

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