Brilliant Ideas for Hire
Every so often I have a brilliant idea that, until now, I have had no way to publish. I mean, who do you talk to about massive undertakings of funding? Now, I can talk to y'all. Today, as I was looking at laptops, I realized that for the most part, navigation is an uncomfortable problem. I speak specifically about the touch pads that many laptops employ en lieu of a mouse. The problem is that the thing is in the centre of the thing, so to use it, you have to crank your hand sideways and jam your wrist against your stomach in some situations. Thus increasing the chances of Carpel Tunnel. My idea is this: why not have the touch pad over to one side, in order to simulate the way we use a mouse? What's that you ask? You're left-handed? Simple! The frame for the pad is double sided, and can be flipped over easily. The pad itself would fit into one of two symmetrical docks on either side. Why the hell not huh? C'mon Toshiba, get on this.
Another idea I had a while ago concerns the upcoming 2010 Olympics in Vancouver. Now bear with me, since I don't know all the details of the transit plans, but then it's just an idea. I've read that for the Olympics, there will be a system of 1000 buses set up between Vancouver and Whistler to accomodate athletes, press and spectators. I put forth the idea that this is an environmental risk, and we can do better. There is a local company, Ballard Power Systems, that made a big splash some time ago, when they unveiled improved fuel cell technology that utilizes hydrogen powered engines and emits only water. Now at the moment, the technology is still unproven and expensive, but I believe that if the provincial and federal governments pumped in some major Res&Dev dollars now, they could vastly improve the efficiency and expense of the cells. Buses are the perfect guinea pigs for it, since at the moment, the cells are large and unwieldy, and will fit better in larger vehicles. Then, once we have all these fuel-cell powered, eco-friendly buses running during the Olympics, Vancouver (and Canada) gets mad props for being so environmentally conscious, and moves the entire world forward in terms of alternative energy sources. Then, if that's not good enough (and it won't be) we sell these buses, minus some for our own stocks, to transit systems across North America as "Official Olympic Buses" to recoup some of the fees. Plus, we have a new export industry as the fuel-cell capital of the world. We'll collect lucrative contracts from all over Europe and Asia to build fuel-efficient, green buses. We'll be rich, I tells ya! Rich beyond our wildest dreams! Am I not making sense? Sure, I know what you're thinking, you're thinking, "But Steve, surely you can't think it's so simple to just improve the technology like that" (at which point you would snap your fingers). Well, you might be right, but what if I'm right? We could be passing up a major opportunity here, instead of building 1000 new gas-powered buses that will burn up more of our already depleted oil stocks, we could create the new wave of water-powered vehicles. Think about it... water-powered! Not only would it run on hydrogen, the most readily available substance on the planet, but the only thing coming out is clean, pure water. Why don't already have this! I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!
Whew! Take a breath. Okay, that said. Congratulations go out to two special folks today. First, QE2 celebrates her 80th birthday. Man, Prince Charles must be just sitting at home going, "Why don't you just die already! At this rate, I'll never get to be an impotent figurehead." Secondly, Donald Trump's personal dating service crowned a new Miss USA tonight, Miss Kentucky. I had my own scorecard going, and although I was batting about 70% success rate, Miss KY kept slipping under the radar, all the way into the finals, which was when I concluded that she had to win. I was rooting for South Carolina, but she missed the finals (a travesty!). By the by, how awesome would it be if someone was sitting next to the Kentucky fans with a sign that read "Jelly" (think about it).
I'd like to leave you with a quote from the MST3K production of The Mole People, that would be perfect if you're at a club and can't shake that crazy chick following you around.
"I'd like to, but I'm a gay married impotent priest with a terminal illness and occasional herpes and I'm a hologram on the run from the law."
I f---in' love that show.
Another idea I had a while ago concerns the upcoming 2010 Olympics in Vancouver. Now bear with me, since I don't know all the details of the transit plans, but then it's just an idea. I've read that for the Olympics, there will be a system of 1000 buses set up between Vancouver and Whistler to accomodate athletes, press and spectators. I put forth the idea that this is an environmental risk, and we can do better. There is a local company, Ballard Power Systems, that made a big splash some time ago, when they unveiled improved fuel cell technology that utilizes hydrogen powered engines and emits only water. Now at the moment, the technology is still unproven and expensive, but I believe that if the provincial and federal governments pumped in some major Res&Dev dollars now, they could vastly improve the efficiency and expense of the cells. Buses are the perfect guinea pigs for it, since at the moment, the cells are large and unwieldy, and will fit better in larger vehicles. Then, once we have all these fuel-cell powered, eco-friendly buses running during the Olympics, Vancouver (and Canada) gets mad props for being so environmentally conscious, and moves the entire world forward in terms of alternative energy sources. Then, if that's not good enough (and it won't be) we sell these buses, minus some for our own stocks, to transit systems across North America as "Official Olympic Buses" to recoup some of the fees. Plus, we have a new export industry as the fuel-cell capital of the world. We'll collect lucrative contracts from all over Europe and Asia to build fuel-efficient, green buses. We'll be rich, I tells ya! Rich beyond our wildest dreams! Am I not making sense? Sure, I know what you're thinking, you're thinking, "But Steve, surely you can't think it's so simple to just improve the technology like that" (at which point you would snap your fingers). Well, you might be right, but what if I'm right? We could be passing up a major opportunity here, instead of building 1000 new gas-powered buses that will burn up more of our already depleted oil stocks, we could create the new wave of water-powered vehicles. Think about it... water-powered! Not only would it run on hydrogen, the most readily available substance on the planet, but the only thing coming out is clean, pure water. Why don't already have this! I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!
Whew! Take a breath. Okay, that said. Congratulations go out to two special folks today. First, QE2 celebrates her 80th birthday. Man, Prince Charles must be just sitting at home going, "Why don't you just die already! At this rate, I'll never get to be an impotent figurehead." Secondly, Donald Trump's personal dating service crowned a new Miss USA tonight, Miss Kentucky. I had my own scorecard going, and although I was batting about 70% success rate, Miss KY kept slipping under the radar, all the way into the finals, which was when I concluded that she had to win. I was rooting for South Carolina, but she missed the finals (a travesty!). By the by, how awesome would it be if someone was sitting next to the Kentucky fans with a sign that read "Jelly" (think about it).
I'd like to leave you with a quote from the MST3K production of The Mole People, that would be perfect if you're at a club and can't shake that crazy chick following you around.
"I'd like to, but I'm a gay married impotent priest with a terminal illness and occasional herpes and I'm a hologram on the run from the law."
I f---in' love that show.
posted by The Man in Charge at
4:13 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home